How ethical is "Baby Reindeer?"

    Last night I watched the mini-series Baby Reindeer, a Netflix show that has seemingly become a viral sensation over the last couple of weeks. I heard about it on Facebook not knowing much but for some strange reason, I felt compelled to watch it myself. I wasn't expecting to spend my entire night binge-watching the whole thing, but that's how fascinating it is. Part of the appeal and fascination, however, is the fact that this is a true story. When I saw "true story," I thought maybe it was inspired, but no. This is straight up everything that happens to Richard Gadd straight from the source, and it's so convincing and detailed that to me there's no way it isn't true. Believability is not the issue here for me, but I do have a few... concerns.

could you imagine them in a room together?

    Firstly, when I was introduced to the character Martha, I was immediately reminded of Annie Wilkes of Misery. In fact, if this wasn't a true story, I might've called it out for plagiarism. Martha is a sad, mentally unwell woman in her forties, who has a criminal past of stalking multiple different men. Stalking is a very serious situation, no matter who it is. Gadd makes it clear that he doesn't think people take it as seriously as if the gender roles were reversed. I have a little bit of a problem with this narrative because oftentimes police don't take women's issues seriously, but ultimately the lack of support from law enforcement is more of a class issue in my eyes. If you're not an affluent person it's hard to get help from them period. They will and often stereotype people based on their circumstances, their skin color, their gender. Anything. To imply that the police help women more in these situations is just laughable. But I will let it slide, it was merely a minor thing that bothered me, and clearly Gadd was under a lot of distress. I just wish he had taken a little more time and care like the other parts of his story before making a statement like that in front of an audience.

    In fact, there were probably a lot of things that Gadd should've thought about before making it into a show. Here's the thing, I get that it tackles some very serious subjects, and some very traumatizing, disgusting things that happened to Gadd. There's something to be said about taking back your power from a predator or an abuser and making something of your own pain. The rawness of Baby Reindeer is like an ugly truth people are afraid to talk about. When Donny enters the home of a well known TV writer, the usage of dark reds and the low, creepy music set the tone and I knew immediately where it was going. I literally said out loud, "oh no... oh no oh no... you need to get out now." Little, unspoken clues like that are what I look for.

    Telling the story of your assault is not the problem. Telling the story of your stalker or the relationships that suffered because of it is not the problem. However, to say there's a conflict of interest is an understatement. For one, people have already found the real Martha (whose name I actually discovered by accident during my research but I won't say it here because Gadd has been adamant about not revealing who it is.) Martha actually never went to jail, something he probably wished had happened. Do I think she deserves scrutiny? Honestly, I'm not sure. I want to say yes, because of the mental and physical torture she put him through. But on the other hand she's sick, and most of the time is not aware of the things that she does. It seems to be more of a failure on the justice system. She needs to be in a hospital, worked on by professionals.

    Then again, would I say this if the genders were reversed? That's the kind of questioning Baby Reindeer puts you through. Gadd is a victim. Does he not have the right to tell his story publicly like Weinstein victims have? I guess the difference would be that Weinstein is in a major position of power unlike Martha, not that it makes it less valid but Weinstein had a very public presence with no qualms about being in the spotlight, whereas the real-life Martha is an everyday person. She didn't consent to being portrayed on a show that would reach such a massive platform, and there's no way Gadd didn't know that people were going to find out who she was in this day and age, despite his efforts in concealing it. 

    There were also points where I was asking myself, "Am I victim blaming here?" I really like when a piece of media makes you question yourself. The viewer feels as discombobulated and confused as Donny seems to be. Every time I thought I knew where it was gonna go, it would subvert my expectations. It's heavily implied that Donny is somewhat reveling in this attention. Perhaps he never thought anyone would care about him that much, and I get that. In fact, part of the reason one of his comedy shows is successful is because she's the only one laughing in the audience. There are parts where I think Donny sees the light in Martha, the good that she could've been, and not only feels sorry for her but maybe thinks there's something redeeming too. Sometime in the past Martha was loved. She was a child like anyone else. She grew up like anybody else. Maybe she had friends, or a real relationship at one point before she lost it. It's so, so sad. But there were also times where I thought, "why are you making this worse?" Martha literally writes hundreds, if not thousands of emails to Donny. Why doesn't he make a new email? Why is he categorizing all of these voicemails? It's not clear to me whether or not Gadd realizes this. I understand that he's been traumatized, and that sometimes people who have been hurt do things that don't always make sense. Most people who experience trauma however tend to avoid these situations as much as possible, I don't know why he continues to submerge himself in it. Now, it'll probably be what everyone knows him for.

    In the end, we are left with a role-reversal. Donny returns to the pub where it all started, listening to Martha's insane rants on his phone, sitting in the same spot she always did. Martha truly haunts Donny in the darkest way possible, and when I say haunted I mean more like demonic possession; a kind of all encompassing madness until no part of you is left recognizable.

Is this really far off from what happens I mean really think about it

    It's like Martha is taunting him for more, and he keeps taking the bait and slipping farther. Maybe some facts can be truer than others, maybe they both can be wrong at times. That's hard and possibly controversial to say. It's brilliant for making me think about it like this, no matter how uncomfortable it may be (or maybe I think about shit too hard, that could also be true.) You can't deny that there was a TON of thought that went into the production of this. I am very, very surprised Netflix green lit it at all with all the potential legal risks, something that Martha is reportedly already trying to do. She may even have a case for it. Now that the show is so massively popular I know there's gotta be some lawyer ready to take it on. Only time will tell. 

    

    Is it right to profit off of a story like this when real people are involved? I'm not sure how I feel about it. There's something about it I object to but I can't put into words exactly what it is. I like Gadd, I do. I like his story. I just get a sense of self-importance or indulgence from him. Who knows? Maybe he knows that. I can't exactly blame him for wanting to be successful, wanting his story to become relatable to an audience. In many respects I relate. How confident does one have to be to put something this vulnerable in full view of the world? I shudder just to think about it myself. I'm putting him on my list of people I'd most definitely have a coffee with merely to pick his brain. 

    I may decide to write more about this since it's a fairly new series and I don't usually do new stuff until I've had a chance to sit down and ponder it more, but I had to write out my thoughts and feelings. Despite everything I feel about it, I can say this: I was captivated. Truly captivated. 

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